Playing Dead

Why do kids do this? Moddy mentioned that her kids are doing it. Grace had a whole phase were she was always playing dead. Why? Now when she pretends, someone is always maimed or in some other way a tragic character. Do all kids do this?

She has a good life. No one beats her. She gets a lot of positive reinforcement. Why the tragedy in play-time? Is it the movies she watches? We watch some Disney, Barbie (in anything), Hiyao Miyazaki (totally awesome Japanese director of anime), and we talk about everything she watches. She hasn't even seen past Harry Potter 3.

Is it because if we pretend it then maybe it won't happen? Or facing the possibilities will prepare us for unforeseen eventualities? She loves to pretend to be the orphan or have a broken leg or some other such sad-craziness. Any ideas?

I Feel Frumpy, So Frumpy....

Come on sing with me now: “I feel frumpy, oh so frumpy, so frumpy and dumpy and …” well you get the point. That song has been going through my head for the last 2 days. (Five points if you actually know the name of the real song and what movie it came from.)
I hate when I feel like this. Actually I must say it feels more like I’m in a funk, because after all I’ve lost 15 lbs, I shouldn’t feel frumpy. For the last 3 or 4 days I’ve felt like doing nothing. I haven’t really done anymore than I needed too. The dishes are clean, but the kitchen needs to be wiped down, the kids have clean clothes, but there is still a lot of laundry to be done. The family room and living room are sort of picked up, but not like I normally do it, you get the picture.
What do you do to get your self out of a funk, how do you get yourself going again when you really don’t want to? What are your little secrets to staying motivated, to keeping your house clean, your laundry done, your kids fed?
Come on share with me ladies, I need help.

Instead of The Thin Red Line

Sadly, our copy of Thin Red Line has been damaged and five minutes in we had to stop it. UGH. This was to be my first screening of it. I've heard from many sources, but mostly from Justin, that it's a good story about people and war and redemption (or atonement -one of those two) and more meaningful than Saving Private Ryan (which I did not see- too bloody).

Instead I found The Oscars. And watched that. Yes, I watched all gazillion hours of it. Went for the red carpet, stayed for Jon Stewart. I've seen a few of the nominated films so it was fun to see who won.

"Best Actor" Daniel Day Lewis was AMAZING in There Will Be Blood (incidentally, for a movie so entitled, there was remarkably little blood). I've never seen him in anything else, so I have nothing to compare it too, however, he really was believable. Paul Dano was also really good and I'm surprised that he didn't receive a nomination as well.

I just saw Once and was so happy it won best original song (or whatever it was called). The music was totally great and I'm hoping to own the soundtrack soon. I totally recommend the movie if you're in the mood for a quiet character-driven drama. Good times.

Okay so, dresses and miscellany: Helen Mirren has a totally rock'in bod. I just have to get that out of the way right now. She looked awesome, flattering dress, great color, age appropriate (She's got to be in her sixties). Cate Blanchett was glowing. I didn't love the thing around the neck but she looked great. Miley Cyrus actually looked age-appropriate in her dress. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see much of the red carpet, as I flip to it until five minutes before the show started. (see above)

All around, there was a lot of red, a lot of black. Nothing outrageous. I didn't love Tilda Swinton's (sp?) dress -a little too drab for my taste- but I'm wondering if that's her thing. She tends to go beyond "understated" and has a vise-grip on "over-sized but classic shapes, minimal make-up". I don't know, not my favorite but she was awesome as The Queen (Lion, Witch...) and very believable in Michael Clayton. Justin pointed out that she would make an awesome David Bowie impersonator. So really, I hope to see her in an upcoming SNL, or perhaps as David Bowie when someone makes his bio-pic; David Bowie: the man and his music. Or something like that.

What did you all do last night?

Just For Fun

Found this on PilgrimGirl and I can never not do these:

What kind of soap do you have in your bathtub/shower right now?
Liquid Ivory

What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Frogs in a bubble on a deep blue background

What would you change about your living room?
To have one

How many plants are in your home?
none, and I am so sad about this (when I think about it)

Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean

Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Plastic. I don't like how glass and ceramic smells when you hold it up to drink out of it.

Do you have iced tea, made in a pitcher, right now?
Nope.

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No.

So, what is in your fridge?
Milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, sausage links, SF jello, corn tortillas, ground beef (I should have used three days ago but haven't tossed because I don't want to throw it away until I'm taking it outside-ewww), diet coke, butter, turkey-dogs, beef-dogs, carrots, broccoli, lettuce, a multiplicity of condiments, insulin, eye-mask, left-overs

What’s on top of your refrigerator?
a basket holding my dinnerware, plastic wrap, aluminum foil

White or wheat bread?
whole wheat, some times Wonder-whole grain for Grace

Comet or Soft Scrub?
Comet

Is your bed made now?
Yes, first time in a week

Is your closet organized?
Not really

Can you describe your flashlight?
No

If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage.

Okay, now you try.

More

Yesterday, a grad student in my lab gave me a pink and white polka-dot dog (the VS dog) to give to Grace. Grace was so excited about it. She immediately got a shawl for it and started thinking through what name it should have. It ate with her a dinner, until I insisted "no dogs at the table". It helped her with her homework.

About two hours after receiving it she was asking for another, bigger one. You know, so the current one could have a mom. Still. Really? She's asking for another? I was actually annoyed that the one was not enough. I know that's how kids are and as a kid, I always wanted more candy, more stickers, more stuff. However, I think I made it at least a day or two before wishing for more.

How do I garner contentment? When it comes to sharing, Grace is very good. She is only too happy to share her things, food, candy with Justin and I. Sharing her things with her friends is okay as long as it's on her terms. But the acquisition of things - that's a different story. She wants more of everything. I try to never take her shopping with me because it's really hard for her to remember not to ask for things. (read: I want to start pulling my hair out and poking myself in the eye about five minutes into it).

How do I help Grace to not ask for things all the time? How can I help her to appreciate what she has and make use of it? How? How? I imagine it has something to do with my own actions and what she is learning from me. What am I doing wrong? How do I fix myself?

I have no answers, just thought I'd put it out there.

Bedtime

In college, I sometimes went to bed at 8:30pm. Yes, I'm serious. Once I met Justin, that changed to 1am. Once we got married: 12am. These days, 11pm or so. Yeah, not so great. Or at least not enough.

I'm a solid 8-10 hours of sleep per night kinda' gal. It's true. I get tired. I really like getting up early, when I actually do. It's nice to feel like I'm getting a head start on my day. I like being up before Justin and Grace (both night-owls).

This lack of sleep is keeping me from being everything I want to be, I've decided. It's keeping me from exercise. I'm too tired to get up in the morning and too worn-out/lazy at the end of the day. Being tired makes it harder for me not to be grouchy, impatient, and in general (dare I say it?) -less than wonderful.

My current goal is to get more sleep. Obstacles to doing this are:

• wanting to spend more time with J at night
• not wanting the day to end (usually due to not getting enough things done)
• feeling frumpy (see above) for some reason I hate going to bed frumpy, I don't know why
• scheduling -meetings, shopping, girl's nights

Somehow, I'll have to work through it all. I'll let you know how it goes. How does one really reconcile the need with the actual amount for sleep, or anything for that matter?

My Reading Weekend

Don't hate me but I just have to share my excitement for this weekend. It's my second annual (semi-annual?) Reading Weekend. That's right, folks. All reading, all weekend. Justin takes care of everything else. Wahoo! It seriously doesn't get better than this.

I won't be answering the phone or door. You know I love you, but don't call or come over (I wish). I've put in my orders for food and gotten some Luna bars. I'm covered, yo. Justin and Grace have a daddy daughter date dance on Saturday so I don't even have to feel guilty about missed opportunities and all that. (I'm not even invited, so there.)

On the plate for Saturday and Sunday are: Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George and; A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I'm a little nervous that I won't have enough to read but Justin kindly reminded me that I've got Quicksilver going on as well. Phew! That should keep me busy.

I can't wait! No seriously, have I mentioned how freaking excited I am?!

Another Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's everyone! Word on the street is that several people in the fam will be having a great day (or night, you decide). Yay for you guys!

Justin was such a sweetie. I told him I wanted the cheesy heart-shaped box of chocolates. And guess what arrived yesterday, straight from See's? Yep. Then the conversation ensued on whether it was really necessary to wait until the actual day. We both decided we didn't care all that much for V-day anyway and why not dive in now(then). Hooray!

I love the idea of a day for all things lovey and relationshippy and the possibility of naughtiness but am also torn by the price-tag of themed gifts. Ugh. Anywho, what it really came down to this year is time and inclination. Not so much on either. Naturally, being a husband-loving kind of person, I've decided to pick a new lovey holiday to work towards.

Really, we here in America (U.S. of) don't do enough to promote Guy Fawkes Day. Why not throw in some red hearts and flowers. Do it up right. It's right in that Holiday Alley anyways, between Halloween and Thanksgiving. Why not have one more cause for celebration? And...it's easy to remember, what with the rhyme and all. " remember, remember, the fifth of November" What's not to forget.

Regardless of what your plans are for today, I encourage lovers everywhere to unite in favor of another holiday. Mark it down, circle the date, be prepared!

Soul-Mates

**disclaimer -you may hate this post**

I've been thinking about the word "soul-mate" lately. What does it mean exactly? Why do people use it? Who cares anyway? (No, wait, did I say that out loud?) I don't really care for the use of that word. What I mean is, it's just a title, something to call somone you really love, a word. I feel like it gets thrown around a lot these days.

Possibly in a previous life (coughhighschoolcough) I had one too many DTR's (define the relationship) and now even the idea of relationship-defining words gives me the shudders. However, I tend to think of Justin and I as just "us". We're together and we like each other and thats good. Why complicate things with descriptors and names for things that really just mean you plan to be together until always. No need to go all Saturday's Warriors.

Still, what is a soul-mate? I don't know. Moving right along...

As a Beehive, then MiaMaid and then Laurel, I made lists and revised lists of what I wanted my future husband to be: faithful, good, something about Moroni, wicked funny, something else. (Should I mention I didn't date much in high school?) All good things. And I totally believe that two good people can totally make a relationship work. However, there were a few important things that I left off my list.

In the spirit of love and V-Day and togetherness and making more lists, here are some other things that should have been on my list.

The List...
( of Things I Love About Justin...*)

• He doesn't judge me -I am how I am and that's great with him (ie, I talk back to poorly-done commercials, I put carrots on his plate whether he asks for me or not, I read crappy books and he's just happy for me to have books that I like reading)
• Appreciates my passions/ambitions even if they're not his
  
• Gives me space and "me" time
• Rock Star Hair (need I say more)
  
• Encourages a safe environment for questions and discussions (willing to explain anything to Grace -oh yeah- guess who was there, right beside me for The Talk, at age 6, when she REALLY wanted to know how things work)
  
• Feels strongly about equal rights
• Not intimidated by strong women (or strong daughters)
  
• Willing to not give up when life sucks (and sometimes it does, so don't argue with me)
• Can teach and be taught

* and Would Have Been On My "Future Husband List" if I Had Only Known How Important They Are; see also earlier versions of said list)

What about you? What's on your Soul-Mate List?

A List of Another Kind

Yes. I am all about the lists. I love lists. They organize my world. They keep the peace. They keep the sanity. And, when I get to cross something off they provide an immense amount of satisfaction. Or, when I don't anything done; crushing guilt and sometimes shame. So you know, good times.

I've found, however, that sometimes "listing", as I call it, can be stressful. I made this discovery a couple of months ago in a therapy session. I pulled out a to-do list and then remembered the three others I had created all for the same items. I had FOUR of the SAME to-do lists. Just in case I lost one???? I don't know. It's like when one goes over and over in one's mind what needs to be done -so it isn't forgotten- but really it's just obsessing. Not. Good.

Needless to say, I've been trying to cut down on the listing. I try to have only one list per category. Categories may include: Daily, weekly, monthly chores/errands; Personal Goals; Family goals; gift ideas; book ideas (who doesn't?); books I NEED to read; etc. Clearly not obsessing at all.

Do you know -cutting down on the lists has actually helped. I'm less stressed when I'm confronted by only one set of "to-do's". It's very liberating. One less monkey on my back.

Self-Improvement

I didn't set any New Year's Resolutions for 2008. However, for several years now I have been working towards more inner peace, improved physical health and, just generally liking myself better.

I find that when I do well in one area I tend to do well in all other areas. And the converse is true as well: when one slips, they all go. In November, I began a program of exercise, scripture study, meditation and prayer -all in the mornings. This made a great start to my day and I was able to keep it up for about five weeks. In addition to this, I was cutting back on unneeded calories. I felt really good about myself and just really good in general. You can probably see where this is going. Over Christmas break, I decided to take a break.

And here we are six weeks later. Last night I did 50 crunchies. This morning I did 50 crunchies. And I'm not entirely sure that my technique was correct. That is the sum total of my exercise in six weeks (not counting the 15min. token bike ride the other night and my hard-core cleaning Saturdays. What?! I work up a sweat -it counts!)

I am feeling the need for more than just surviving. The daily routine is too hard to rise above when I don't force myself to have "higher thoughts and ways" (there's a scripture reference in there somewhere, I believe from Jeremiah, but I could be wrong. A dollar to the first person to put the correct reference in the comments). I want balance.

The "self" time is already taken care of. Justin is only too happy for me to do things for myself: reading, friends, movies, whatever. Trust me, I've read at least six books since the beginning of the year. That represents plenty of self-time.

Here are the ideas I've had so far:

• Exercise could include: YMCA to lift weights, 40min.+ bike rides, 50-100 crunchies everyday, other stuff
• Spiritual Stuff: scripture study-BofM and New Testament, 30 min. of mediation 3x/wk, regular morning/evening prayers (no, I'm not right now. Don't judge me! Work in progress, remember?), lesson preparation for Primary
• Physical (Weight): improved nutrition, less "snacky" foods in the house, eat to physical hunger, can have anything I want to drink but will stop eating after 8pm (because I've had dinner by then and tend to eat only junk), have five fruits/veg per day -this one has been hard lately as they just haven't sounded good
• Mental: continue seeing therapist, read another self-improvement book, journal once a week, blog(?)

SO, that's what I've go so far. I need to figure out what will work, what's too much, how I can arrange it. Maybe it will just be one thing at time. Who knows.

Wish me luck! Let me know what y'all are doing.

Ramona

So, Grace is reading Ramona and Beezus these days. The other night, she read the word "gay" and then stopped.
"Oh, I know what that means" she says. "It's when two girls like each other".

Me: Um yeah, but it used to have a different meaning -to be happy and light, to be fun. But now people use it to mean something else.

Grace: okay. But anyways, I think we all have a little gay in us.

Me: Whaa?!

Grace: you know, I kiss you and Daddy hugs his friends and his daddy.

Me:..... Okay (to myself: I'm not going to touch that one until you're a little older.)

Moving right along. Grace sure does say the darnedest things.

What are you kids saying these days?

The Change

No, not that change. In the interest of full disclosure:

I would like this blog to be public. Not that expect an onslaught of visitors. I just like the idea of anyone being able to check in. Originally, I promised that this would be a private blog. However, since no one is posting, I would like to keep posting stuff but have it open to anyone. I'll be deleting the archives so no one feels mislead.

So, I hope that's okay with everyone. Moddy, I'm sending you an invite to post and everyone else is welcome to post, as well. I'm just not expecting that anyone will want to.

That's all for now.

***Edited to add: nevermind about anything above. The only change I'm making is to include a sidebar of known family blogs.