The Gracetress did her very best last night to explain to me the difference between "girly-girls" and "girls". With an honorable mention thrown in for "tom-boys". She pays lip service to being a "girl" but let me tell you, she can't stay away from pink to save her life. Although, she has made head-way with wearing fewer dresses and no longer pesters me everyday to wear makeup.
My sweet little princess is trying so hard to transform into something else: a no frills type of girl. But not a "tom-boy". Oh no. That, apparently, is not the thing. I couldn't tell you why, though. As a child her age, I thought "tom-boy" was the only way to go. Who would want to be anything else?
I've been thinking about this whole transformation thing. Mostly in terms of me and who I am. Because, really, it's all about me. Right? Right, guys? Guys??
Anywho, I've often wondered if I'm a quiet, loud person or a loud, quiet person. Am I an inactive, active person, who — provided the health and opportunity — would be out hiking the trails of the world? Or the reverse: trying to be someone I'm not really cut out for?
I'm 31, soon to be 32. I'd like to know who I am. A few years ago I came clean with loving pink. I do and it's probably no surprise to anyone (just me). I love wearing makeup but not applying it. I love getting my hair cut and colored. I also really like dresses and skirts. I think it's safe to say I'm a "girly-girl" type. I am making an effort not to influence Grace in this matter.
There are just so many contradictions. What am I? What kind of woman am I? How am I known among friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances? I have had people tell me that they thought I was a "*itch" before getting to know me. One of my favorite people at work was afraid of me until we got to know each other better. But other people have known I was nice all along. I AM nice, btw.
Do you know who you are and what you're about? Have you sorted it out in your mind? How long did it take? Have you always known? What's it like? Walking around knowing if you're the "girly-girl" type, just a "girl" or a "tomboy."* I totally envy you.
Let's talk sometime and you can share your secrets.
_________
* If you're a male reading this, insert appropriate substitute. RD, I already know you're an "academic" with a little "man's-man" thrown in just to confuse everyone. You know: sexually "ambiguous." And just my type.
15 comments:
Interesting subject. It's interesting how when I think of how my girls are, they look very similar to me. My oldest's haircut is just like mine, the clothes and shoes they end up picking out are very close to mine. I like to think that they look up to me and want to be like me, and I try to let them choose as much as possible. The whole make-up thing is funny-my 6th grader was really excited to be able to wear mascara, but now that she has it she doesn't really want to wear it. It's not who she is right now I guess, and I'm totally fine with that. I'm pleased that she's not wrapped up in her appearance and trying to impress, yet she still takes care of herself and wants to look nice. I would say I'm a just a girl. I was a tom-boy growing up (hated dolls and barbies) but I'd say now I'm just in the middle. I sometimes like things that are super feminine and beautiful, yet most of the time I dress very simply (jeans and a t-shirt) and don't wear much jewelry. I only put on make-up if I have to, which is Sunday's and if I go out with Ry or help at school. My tastes are all over the place. I love wearing my conservative skirt suits to church, yet I'm a total hippy with my birks and tie-dye on other days. So who am I? Sometimes I think I'm still trying to figure it out. Is this normal? You got me thinking Kitti...sorry for the rambling. I always say too much. Ü
Erika, I love it when you ramble. You seem so comfortable with yourself. I think I'm getting there. I hope to eventually.
My wife thinks I think I'm gay.
How sad for me. Unless I could hook up with Bill Murray, Kal Penn, Hugh Laurie, Will Forte, President Obama... Yeah, I'd hit that.
Our national poet/egomaniac Walt Whitman wrote, "I contain multitudes." Another poet, Arthur Rimbaud, wrote "JE est un autre [I is someone else]." They're both right. We are different people in different places at different times. We are even different to ourselves.
This article is to the point, and really interesting.
All I know about myself is that I keep changing. Sometimes I like this and sometimes I like that. Sometimes I hate this and sometimes I hate that. Most of the time I'm glad I'm a girl, though. Most of the time.
How could anyone be afraid of you?? Unless of course they've made you mad, then be afraid, very afraid. (you are good at revenge too).
I love that you guys talk about this. Miss Magoo is very confident in who she is, I would love to be 5 again and be like her. Her world is what she wants it to be. While I'm still trying to figure out mine.
Great subject Kitti, good stuff. I am really excited about being 30. Mostly I think because it signals in my mind a woman coming into her own and being happy with who she really is. Though I know that this can happen at any time in my life, 30 seems pivotal to me in that way.
However I think being me is living with constant change as others have said and that very thing makes discovering myself exciting. Well at the very least if I don't like who or what I am then I have the power to change it.
Watching Jane is fascinating, she is so set on being a princess. We had a talk the other night and I told her she could be whatever she wants to be when she grows up, President of the United States, a doctor, blah, blah blah. She said of course she could and went on to describe her big princess dress and slippers. I love it, who doesn't want to be a princess when they grow up?? Oh she knows who she is.
so i was about to leave a comment and then i decided that i would steal your post instead. you have great ideas!!
k but seriously, did people really think you were *itchy?
and ps, at first i thought that was itchy.
annie: ha!
and ps, at first i thought that was itchy.
That's what she has me for.
Kitti, you crack me up. And though I have not gotten to spend as much time with you as I would like, to me you are a girly-girl through and through. You have to be. Would a tom-boy read Jane Austen multiple times a year and swoon over the movies made after them? Would a regular "girl" admit to loving, what Brian says is not a color at all, but a shade of red, pink? No, you are a girly-girl and I will throw myself into that category with you with a few confessions: I love pink, my favorite movie is Grease, I have a collection of Barbie Dolls that Elyza will never get to play with, I love Precious Moments dolls, I can't stand not having my toenails painted, and I watch Pride and Prejudice or Emma at least once a month. Yes, girly-girl.
PS While in college I had a good friend tell me he was totally intimidated by me when he first met me and that I was unapproachable. Is that the same as being *itchy?
Kitti, I think I have known that you were nice all along. I had such a hard time with watching Logan do tomboy things, like fish with her dad or go golfing with him, but then I guess it's just nice to think of her as well rounded. She does like to play with princess stuff, and barbies, so I guess she's not in total trouble. When Autumn was born, I was bound and determined to make sure she ends up a girly-girl, because Logan wasn't seeming to head that direction. I guess James just wanted a boy so bad he just has her do the boy stuff with him. He has even played with his big huge remote control trucks with her and taken her to go shooting. I just throw my hands up and start putting frilly bows, pig tails, and bracelets on Autumn!! Maybe one day we'll have a boy!
I have tried to figure out who I was throughout my entire 20's, and I think it was your sis saying that she just turned 30 (like myself) and I guess she is right. Now is the time for me to figure out what kind of mother, wife, daughter, aunt, etc... I want to be. I have already felt like I've turned into some part of both of my parents, but don't we all? Maybe that's just me?
Well whoever you are, you are such a sweet girl from what I know of you and Grace seems to be the same!
MJ and JB - I really looked forward to my 30's for that reason. I consider myself a "real" grown-up now. Also, I just need to figure out what I want to be and then I'll be all set.
Shawn -me too. Most of the time I'm glad to be a girl.
Moddy -I love that we all have this hope that our daughters (and sons) will be so much further ahead in life than we were. I think they are well on their ways.
Annie- sometimes I am itchy. (And *itchy, too.)
I think I might be Annie's mother. I thought it was "itchy" at first, too. :D
Miss Kitti, I see you as a truly girly-girl, which makes it even cooler for anyone else who is one.
I used to feel like a real grownup when I was in my thirties and forties, too Now I think there's a little regression happening. It's not my fault.
i remember thinking it was not very cool to be girly during my childhood years (80s and 90s). was there some kind of feminist subtext to my upbringing that i was subconsciously picking up on? i don't remember my parents leaning either way. probably it was the books i read as a little girl...anne of green gables and laura ingalls wilder come to mind.
as for having an "identity," i am comfortable with ambiguity. i guess i look at my changing moods and personalities as research for a wanna-be writer who hardly ever actually writes...anything. but MIGHT someday, eh? is there anything wrong with being all things, a little at a time?
and have you noticed that blogger asks you to "choose an identity" when posting a comment?
i really like that.
Nicea, if by "regression" you mean really fun to be with, I hope I regress too.
SC -I've always considered you a kicka** domestic goddess and feminist all in one. I love your kind of ambiguity.
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