A little worried? And other random pictures that I like.

Mostly I'm just so pleased that I've finally succeeded in posting pictures here. I've never been able to do this before. Moddy and Maudie Jane have totally inspired me. Now I just need to take some more recent photos. (The ones below are all within the last 12 months, as iphoto tells me) however, none within the last four. Therefore, not recent.)

And now I give you THE WORRIED FACE...


I have no idea what happened before or after this photo but I love it. Is it wrong that I'm taking some delight in the expression on Grace's face? Mostly because I'm pretty sure I said "make a face" and then snapped the picture. Or at least, that's the story I'm going with.









Okay, yeah, so I have the Holmes Sleepy Eyes(HSE), but still... Cute picture, right guys? Guys? Anywho, I like this one of Grace and I now you all get to see it. Yay for you.

And what is it with the HSE? We all get it. Think every Christmas morning photo we've ever taken. I'm just saying...











Also love this photo of J with Grace. So cute on Christmas morning. And also a good example of someone who does not have HSE.

Anyway, the other point of this picture is to tell a story. Easter Sunday, as we walked into the back of the chapel and sat down we heard a little voice saying, "Mom, LOOK, it's Jesus!" Much pointing and jumping up and down ensued. "Mom, look, look! Jesus is here. It's Jesus!" You may have guessed, based on this picture alone, that the little girl was pointing at my Sweetie. Is it wrong that we got a really good (albeit quiet - chapel, remember?) laugh at that. The mom was so embarrassed.

That's all for now.

Making Peace With Lunchables

I totally get that lunchables are the devil. They are pre-packaged boxes of sugar, sodium, fat and lots of calories. However, we're still friends. We have an understanding. I occasionally buy the small ones (sans drink) with meat, crackers and cheese. Paired with a vegetable, fruit and water, they're not so evil. Or that's what I tell myself. So back off. The convenience is lovely.

I like convenient, easy to do/use things. I'm all about the pre-chopped vegetables for party trays; just add _____ mixes for cakes, muffins, brownies, whatever; and frozen desserts are terribly useful to keep on hand for those last minute get-togethers. Ready-to-cook and other prepared food-stuffs are so nice to have around the house.

I'm not ashamed to admit it either (not really, anyway). They're helpful. What so wrong with 'helpful'? (no, don't really answer that - I could list a lot of reasons.) Time-savers are so important to today's housekeepers*. Mainly because today's housekeepers are also parents, job-holders, church-goers, hobbiests and, thing-doers. People have more things to do than just cook (not always more important -just more). Why should quality* suffer just because there's a lack of time?

What time savers to you use?



*Yes, there are a lot of foods that are WAY better when made from scratch and are well worth the time. Let us not argue about that.*

**I'm sure yesterday's housekeepers had "things" do or would have like to have other things to be busy with. Let us be clear; I'm not slamming yesterday's housekeepers.**

The Things We Give Our Children

Grace arrived with many wonderful qualities. She is very generous in nature, giving of herself and her possessions. She is sensitive to the feelings of those around her. She wants to be helpful and involved. Grace loves family relationships. She wants to love each family member she meets and know them and be known by them. And sing a song about it. In the car or the shower. Really.

But the things I want to instill in her are also many. I feel a lot of stress and pressure to provide Grace with confidence and self-assurance. I want her to be ambitious and also a team player. I want her to be a hard worker and not mind doing what needs to be done. (But lets be honest, I don't always want to do what needs to be done, so really, it's a tall order.) Is it so wrong for me to want her to be better than me? She's already going to be taller.

I want her to understand who God is (to the extent that anyone can) and know that she is known to him. I want her to talk to God and ask him questions. I want her to understand. And so many more things.

Some things I have not had to "give" Grace. She has picked them up on her own. From me. You know those moments when you think, "Yep, payback. I so earned this at the age of 11 when...". The stubbornness - and with it the passive aggressive "I'll do it and pretend I didn't know better". The need to argue or present the other side to everything. On a nicer note, Grace also inherited my tendency to laugh hysterically at anything remotely funny that happens after 9pm at night. I like to think I've helped to influence her sense of style. She calls it the "fashion girl" look. I call it fabulous.

Of course, there is also the things I want to give Grace: every good book I can find, tell her every great story out there, super comfortable shoes aplenty, fun hair stuff, fabulous clothes, educational and exciting family vacations, siblings to grow old with, a college fund, tons of good music, piano lessons, or guitar -I'm not picky, anything else I can think of. Oh, and I also want her to not be spoiled. That's not too much, right? Right??

What things do you feel compelled to give to your child(ren)? What things do you specifically want them to have and experience?

Strange Mood

Hello ladies, thanks for the invite. It has been a strange few months as we have no idea what direction we will be going. Job hunts are mind numbing as we try to project ourselves into each position and then when that job doesn't happen we either mourn the loss of something we never had or sigh with relief that we don't have to live somewhere undesirable. We know that something, the right something will open up, but knowing that the old job ends at the end of April, it is hard not to FREAK OUT!!!! Limbo is not a pleasant state of being. My handsome man has a second interview here in lovely Tucson on Thursday, which would allow us to stay put and we are both ready after 6 months of looking to have one surety in our life.

The other strangeness in my life happened when I got this rush of nostalgia and need to reconnect with all my college freshmen friends. The first search I did, I fond out that one of my good guy friends had passed away in his sleep in 2001. WHOA. It is so strange to mourn someone who died 7 years ago. I started a blog about him so that myself and other college friends would have a forum to post stories & memories.
http://jongemmilltribute.blogspot.com
After finding out that I had this overwhelming urge to reconnect with everyone that I cared about, almost in fear that I may have lost my chance as with Jon. Freshman year was such a formative time in my life. It is so strange that so many people that I felt so close to that I completely lost track of them. I guess values shift and the things that brought you together, i.e. the dorm, are no longer present. I have been able to reconnect with about 4 or so friends and it is wonderful to see their spouses and children. I wonder, is there enough of a bond to get back together again for a reunion or would it just feel forced since our common bonds are now gone.

Tell Your Friends

Moddy gave me the heads up that there are people out there wanting to hop on the groovy train (or just this blog, but whatever). I've sent out an invite to Tracy. Please let me know if there is anyone else in the family who wants to post or be a part of this. My intent isn't to be exclusive. Brothers are even welcome!

That's all for now. Sorry, no dirt.

Penny Pinched?

I bought Grace a white t-shirt and sweater, on sale, at Macy's (the clothing store -not the grocery store) on Monday. I left them in a bag, along with several other items, in Grace's room. With the instructions: do not take anything out of the bag until I "okay" it. Yes? Okay, Mom. On Tuesday, I found similar items at Walmart for $8 less. My intent was to return the Macy's stuff and keep the Walmart stuff. Great. Fine.

However, Tuesday, whilst I was off bargain-hunting, Grace pulled out the white t-shirt and sweater and wore them. All. Day. I was so annoyed. No returns to Macy's. I did return stuff to Walmart - no need for both sets. I'm making her pay me back a few dollars for not obeying a direct order. And for thwarting my great bargain-hunting prowess. Right?? Right??

What I'm wondering is, have I gone to far? I was telling a friend at work and she made the comment that it's funny I got so mad when the day before I was so happy to have found a good deal. True. Now I'm feeling guilty for making Grace pay me back for the money I didn't save. It's not like she asked for the clothes to begin with or that she ever pays for her own clothes.

However, I feel like now that I've talked to her about it I can't go back and change my mind ("sorry, Grace, I'm a stingy bast***. You don't owe me money anymore") Also, she doesn't have any money so I've very kindly allowed her to do extra work around the house (ie. clean the bathroom and help with laundry) instead. Stuff that she was going to have to help with anyway, now, however, I have a ready reason for *why* she has to help**.

**Yes- I realize that all children should be helping around the house without being paid. Her regular duties include emptying the dishwasher and taking our the trash and recycling. I reserve cleaning the bathroom as a way for her to "earn" money when there's something she HAS to have but I'm not willing to buy outright for her (ie, the candy at blockbust -no way am I spending good money on crappy candy at a store where only MOVIES should reside -it's all old candy anyway)

Basically, I'm feeling like a jerk. So come on everyone, tell me I'm not. Or take Grace's side. Whatever.

My Daughter is FIERCE

Yep. That's right. She told me so. I asked how things went on the day her teacher talked to The Touchy Boy(TTB). He still did it again, so clearly, this is still a problem. I'll go in this time and talk with the teacher to make a new plan.

I asked Grace why she thought TTB did this and if she was the only one. She thought she was the only one and that it's because she stands up to him when he's being mean. She said, "Mom, I tell him to be nice. I talk Fierce." I'm so proud. My daughter is fierce. What more could a mother ask for?!

More later on how The Talk goes.

No Touching

So in passing yesterday, Grace says, "Bryce is the class bully. He says means things to my friends sometimes. And, I don't like it when he pats my bottom."

Yeah. Pats. Her. Bottom. Oh my gosh! Hello? This is so much a problem. He can't do that. I explained to Grace, again, about boundaries and telling people (even her friends) "no". I also sent an email to her teacher. The other time this was a problem, her teacher was right on it.

I'm not thinking it's anything sexual but it is totally inappropriate. He has a sister and probably he's just messing around, but still. Kids at school are not family members, this needs to be understood. I mean, as kids we would fight, but I don't remember that ever translating to the classroom.

I don't think I even heard the word "boundaries" in terms of personal space (didn't hear that word either) until college. But now that I'm familiar with it -it's very important. "Boundaries" are also easier for me to explain to Grace. She gets that there are lines (real or imagined) that shouldn't be crossed. Or at least, that's what I tell myself.

Anywho, that's what's happening in my world right now.

TA DA: I Give you the Spring Collection

I finally did it. So it's not as perfect as Maudie Jane's. But I'm really proud of my first attempt. There are 3 pockets inside, one for my cell phone and 2 pens, one for my keys and lipstick, and one for my sunglasses. I'm so excited my other one was starting to show some wear. And now I have a new "spring" purse. YEAH!!!

Playing Dead

Why do kids do this? Moddy mentioned that her kids are doing it. Grace had a whole phase were she was always playing dead. Why? Now when she pretends, someone is always maimed or in some other way a tragic character. Do all kids do this?

She has a good life. No one beats her. She gets a lot of positive reinforcement. Why the tragedy in play-time? Is it the movies she watches? We watch some Disney, Barbie (in anything), Hiyao Miyazaki (totally awesome Japanese director of anime), and we talk about everything she watches. She hasn't even seen past Harry Potter 3.

Is it because if we pretend it then maybe it won't happen? Or facing the possibilities will prepare us for unforeseen eventualities? She loves to pretend to be the orphan or have a broken leg or some other such sad-craziness. Any ideas?

I Feel Frumpy, So Frumpy....

Come on sing with me now: “I feel frumpy, oh so frumpy, so frumpy and dumpy and …” well you get the point. That song has been going through my head for the last 2 days. (Five points if you actually know the name of the real song and what movie it came from.)
I hate when I feel like this. Actually I must say it feels more like I’m in a funk, because after all I’ve lost 15 lbs, I shouldn’t feel frumpy. For the last 3 or 4 days I’ve felt like doing nothing. I haven’t really done anymore than I needed too. The dishes are clean, but the kitchen needs to be wiped down, the kids have clean clothes, but there is still a lot of laundry to be done. The family room and living room are sort of picked up, but not like I normally do it, you get the picture.
What do you do to get your self out of a funk, how do you get yourself going again when you really don’t want to? What are your little secrets to staying motivated, to keeping your house clean, your laundry done, your kids fed?
Come on share with me ladies, I need help.

Instead of The Thin Red Line

Sadly, our copy of Thin Red Line has been damaged and five minutes in we had to stop it. UGH. This was to be my first screening of it. I've heard from many sources, but mostly from Justin, that it's a good story about people and war and redemption (or atonement -one of those two) and more meaningful than Saving Private Ryan (which I did not see- too bloody).

Instead I found The Oscars. And watched that. Yes, I watched all gazillion hours of it. Went for the red carpet, stayed for Jon Stewart. I've seen a few of the nominated films so it was fun to see who won.

"Best Actor" Daniel Day Lewis was AMAZING in There Will Be Blood (incidentally, for a movie so entitled, there was remarkably little blood). I've never seen him in anything else, so I have nothing to compare it too, however, he really was believable. Paul Dano was also really good and I'm surprised that he didn't receive a nomination as well.

I just saw Once and was so happy it won best original song (or whatever it was called). The music was totally great and I'm hoping to own the soundtrack soon. I totally recommend the movie if you're in the mood for a quiet character-driven drama. Good times.

Okay so, dresses and miscellany: Helen Mirren has a totally rock'in bod. I just have to get that out of the way right now. She looked awesome, flattering dress, great color, age appropriate (She's got to be in her sixties). Cate Blanchett was glowing. I didn't love the thing around the neck but she looked great. Miley Cyrus actually looked age-appropriate in her dress. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see much of the red carpet, as I flip to it until five minutes before the show started. (see above)

All around, there was a lot of red, a lot of black. Nothing outrageous. I didn't love Tilda Swinton's (sp?) dress -a little too drab for my taste- but I'm wondering if that's her thing. She tends to go beyond "understated" and has a vise-grip on "over-sized but classic shapes, minimal make-up". I don't know, not my favorite but she was awesome as The Queen (Lion, Witch...) and very believable in Michael Clayton. Justin pointed out that she would make an awesome David Bowie impersonator. So really, I hope to see her in an upcoming SNL, or perhaps as David Bowie when someone makes his bio-pic; David Bowie: the man and his music. Or something like that.

What did you all do last night?

Just For Fun

Found this on PilgrimGirl and I can never not do these:

What kind of soap do you have in your bathtub/shower right now?
Liquid Ivory

What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Frogs in a bubble on a deep blue background

What would you change about your living room?
To have one

How many plants are in your home?
none, and I am so sad about this (when I think about it)

Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean

Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Plastic. I don't like how glass and ceramic smells when you hold it up to drink out of it.

Do you have iced tea, made in a pitcher, right now?
Nope.

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No.

So, what is in your fridge?
Milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, sausage links, SF jello, corn tortillas, ground beef (I should have used three days ago but haven't tossed because I don't want to throw it away until I'm taking it outside-ewww), diet coke, butter, turkey-dogs, beef-dogs, carrots, broccoli, lettuce, a multiplicity of condiments, insulin, eye-mask, left-overs

What’s on top of your refrigerator?
a basket holding my dinnerware, plastic wrap, aluminum foil

White or wheat bread?
whole wheat, some times Wonder-whole grain for Grace

Comet or Soft Scrub?
Comet

Is your bed made now?
Yes, first time in a week

Is your closet organized?
Not really

Can you describe your flashlight?
No

If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage.

Okay, now you try.

More

Yesterday, a grad student in my lab gave me a pink and white polka-dot dog (the VS dog) to give to Grace. Grace was so excited about it. She immediately got a shawl for it and started thinking through what name it should have. It ate with her a dinner, until I insisted "no dogs at the table". It helped her with her homework.

About two hours after receiving it she was asking for another, bigger one. You know, so the current one could have a mom. Still. Really? She's asking for another? I was actually annoyed that the one was not enough. I know that's how kids are and as a kid, I always wanted more candy, more stickers, more stuff. However, I think I made it at least a day or two before wishing for more.

How do I garner contentment? When it comes to sharing, Grace is very good. She is only too happy to share her things, food, candy with Justin and I. Sharing her things with her friends is okay as long as it's on her terms. But the acquisition of things - that's a different story. She wants more of everything. I try to never take her shopping with me because it's really hard for her to remember not to ask for things. (read: I want to start pulling my hair out and poking myself in the eye about five minutes into it).

How do I help Grace to not ask for things all the time? How can I help her to appreciate what she has and make use of it? How? How? I imagine it has something to do with my own actions and what she is learning from me. What am I doing wrong? How do I fix myself?

I have no answers, just thought I'd put it out there.

Bedtime

In college, I sometimes went to bed at 8:30pm. Yes, I'm serious. Once I met Justin, that changed to 1am. Once we got married: 12am. These days, 11pm or so. Yeah, not so great. Or at least not enough.

I'm a solid 8-10 hours of sleep per night kinda' gal. It's true. I get tired. I really like getting up early, when I actually do. It's nice to feel like I'm getting a head start on my day. I like being up before Justin and Grace (both night-owls).

This lack of sleep is keeping me from being everything I want to be, I've decided. It's keeping me from exercise. I'm too tired to get up in the morning and too worn-out/lazy at the end of the day. Being tired makes it harder for me not to be grouchy, impatient, and in general (dare I say it?) -less than wonderful.

My current goal is to get more sleep. Obstacles to doing this are:

• wanting to spend more time with J at night
• not wanting the day to end (usually due to not getting enough things done)
• feeling frumpy (see above) for some reason I hate going to bed frumpy, I don't know why
• scheduling -meetings, shopping, girl's nights

Somehow, I'll have to work through it all. I'll let you know how it goes. How does one really reconcile the need with the actual amount for sleep, or anything for that matter?